i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
