dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
