dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
