I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
