Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
