Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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