forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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