God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
