Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
