no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i will never coherently bang her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
