If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
