the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
