Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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