I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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