Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
