Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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