he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
