I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Text me some of your sweat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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