Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
