that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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