did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
