who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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