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You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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