Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
