I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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