saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
