this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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