If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mom said you looked used
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
