I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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