I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
