I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
