I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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