ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
