Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
