honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
