you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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