It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
