o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
