If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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