90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
