They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
