your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
