Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
