Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
