You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
