my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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