I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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