I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
