like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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