i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
