If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
