Can Purell be used as lube?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
