...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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