Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
