That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They have beer where we have blood.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
