i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
