I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have already put on my inside pants.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
