No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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