U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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