jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
