remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
