Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
