so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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