i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
