You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
